When others have hurt us deeply and we are suffering a mass of emotional pain, how do we heal ourselves, how do ever get over a broken heart?

This is the big question on so many lips.  “Why do we even have to be hurt by others?   Why did they do this to me?  It must have been my fault?  I shouldn’t have done this or they shouldn’t have said that.”  Sounding familiar?

Yes we in-flick a tirade of emotional abuse upon ourselves when we have loved so deeply and the love has gone.  I understand this, I have loved and loss now more times than I care to count.

I have tried to reflect and understand why, why, why and have never really been able to understand until recently.  And what was it that I realised, that there was actually nothing wrong with me.  With much healing and learning to live in the light of love, I am learning to love and accept myself for who I am. If that does not meet others “expectations” then that is ok too.  Everything is as it was to be. This is empowerment, strength and love for thyself.  But in my healing journey I have also agreed to look at how I contributed.

My heart has been completely open and I had always come with good intentions. But that wasn’t enough, for my needs and expectations where not met and so the love was conditional.

But also if others intentions are not good and from the heart then of course there is no foundation for a long term relationship.  That’s OK to, for everyone in the drama needs to experience so they are given the opportunity to reflect on their behaviour. If they realise they have not been loving and caring then they themselves will start the journey of healing.  Otherwise if they choose instead to remain self centred, controlling and uncaring then the cycle will continue.  No one has to tolerate such behaviour.   

In every drama everyone has a part to play and so as we reflect on the past ask yourself –

“How did I contribute?”

“What part did I play?”  “

What negative beliefs, motivations, and intentions did I carry even when I were so in love ask?”

“Was the love unconditional?”

I have written before about the energy  we carry and the law of attraction is “Like attracts like”.  This is where it is so important we start to explore our supressed emotions and belief systems about relationships.

It is to ask yourself the hard questions.   Do you truly “believe” you deserve a loving, respectful, honourable, harmonious relationship?  Be honest with yourself.  If you do then you are very blessed and have no need to read further for your belief will attract to you what you wish for.

Or are you fearful of being abandoned, unsupported or abused, emotionally or physically. Has your trust been broken and you find it hard to believe there is someone out there who can love you unconditionally.

These fears are heavy deeply ingrained and when held , rear their ugly heads and cause the communication breakdown, rendering many unable to express their truth at times when it is so important to be honest and truthful from the start.

When we are fearful we will place great expectations upon others.  We expect the other to make us feel loved, supported, giving and nurturing.  We want them to make us happy.

So breakdowns occur because of unrealistic expectations and fears we carry. Lets try and break down how a romantic relationship starts.  It can be how you feel, what you see, what you hear or even what you smell but all your senses are on alert and if one or more of the sensors feels pleasure then the attraction starts.  But with that attraction what do we expect and this is where the difficulties start to arise.  I have been given the understanding and observed a pattern that for men they are greatly influenced by their mothers and ladies, their fathers.

If they have had a happy, loving and free connection with their mother or father then they are able to maintain a happy loving relationship with their partners.  But if they have had an aggressive, suppressive, dominating mistrusting relationship with their mother or father than the partner will struggle to have a loving relationship for every move he/she makes will trigger and raise expectation and fear in the partner.  This is not a golden rule and there is always exceptions to this above statement but to recognise our parents influence on our behaviours is a start to breaking the impact upon our relationships.

So the first revelation for you to realise is if your still carrying hurts from your parents which haven’t been resolved then you will have the same expectation of your partners and continue the cycle.  So how do you break the cycle?   The first is to look within and find the negative belief systems affecting your thought patterns. Give those beliefs away to the universe, seek understanding & knowledge and change your beliefs to positive thoughts.  Then open your heart to unconditional love.

I trust these words have inspired you, strengthened your faith and lighten your heart.

Your energy exchange in acknowledgement will be received with much love and gratitude.

All in Perfection. 

Catherine May Smith, Abundance Life Coach, www.soulabundance.com

Catherine has successfully completed an Advanced Diploma in Financial Planning, Associate Diploma in Accounting, as well as being a Master Practitioner in Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). Catherine is an Energy Healer, obtaining Certificates in Reiki & Pranic Healing, Hypnotherapy and Time Line Therapy and has also completed an Angel Intuitive Communication Certification with World renowned Author Master and Teacher Doreen Virtue Ph.D.  She has had various articles published  in the Nova Magazine. 

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